Positive Vibrations

This morning I've been humming Bob Marley's "Positive Vibrations" in my head non-stop.  Mostly because I really think that I am starting to buy into the idea of thinking positively, being thankful for what you have and projecting the good out into the world so you can get it back.  I seem to really be feeling it lately.  What is interesting, is that I thought I lived this way before, back when I was drinking a lot and smoking a lot of weed.  I thought that kind of being stoned and talking about being positive was sort of where it was at.  And while the beginnings of positive vibrations might have been there, the drinking and smoking were weighing me down to where I never actually took any action or made any moves to actively work these ideas into my life.  The drinking was clouding my ability to even acknowledge that I had emotional garbage to deal with so that I could get to those positive vibrations. 

Yesterday, the topic of the purpose of a gratitude list came up.  A lot of folks are told to start one when they enter AA, and when you are first getting sober, a gratitude list sort of seems like a distraction - a way to change your thinking when you are feeling down about life.  And it's true.  It helps to change the subject of your mind when you first begin to make gratitude lists.  But the other fact of it is that when we are truly grateful and appreciative of certain aspects of our lives, and we express it, we are putting ourselves out into that vibration.  We become more in line with these things that we are thankful for, and we become more available to receive even more of what we appreciate. 

Right now I'm really thankful that I'm sober, that I have 2 beautiful children, a partner who works with me and not against me, and a peaceful home full of laughter.  I seemed to have laughed a lot over the past month, and it has been so great.  There were a few years where I was doing a boat load of crying, and I don't miss that at all. 

And now, I leave you with the words of one of my all time favorite musicians - Bob Marley:

If you get down and you quarrel everyday,
You're saying prayers to the devils, I say.
Why not help one another on the way?
Make it much easier. (Just a little bit easier)

Say you just can't live that negative way,
If you know what I mean;
Make way for the positive day,
'Cause it's news - news and days -
New time, and if it's a new feelin', yeah! -
Said it's a new sign:
Oh, what a new day!

Finding Peace

Over the past few days, maybe into the past week, I have noticed a sense of peace that washes over me at times that I haven't felt since........well, since ever.  I've never had this kind of peace before.  Believe me, things are not perfect.  There are bills to be paid, court dates to worry about, work to be done, but all-in-all, I am very at peace with my life right now. 

When I look back at what I've done differently over the past few weeks, I can recognize a couple of things.  The first is that I have made a huge effort to change my way of thinking.  That is, to start thinking more positively about things.  When I feel a fear or anxiety rear its ugly head - which seems to happen mostly in the car or shower for some reason - I am practicing to retrain my brain to think positive thoughts about what I know or want in life.  I really think this is helping.

I also had a huge a-ha moment last week when I realized that I did not have to act on my emotions or let my feelings rule my actions.  I think alcoholics have a huge issue with this, and  I've been hearing things along these lines for the past year, but for some reason it just clicked for me last week.  Maybe I had to become emotionally fit enough for this to click, but I am so grateful that if finally did.  This realization has made a huge difference in how I handle every day annoyances and irritants. 

So, today I am grateful for peace and the freedom that it has given me to enjoy all of the wonderful things in my life.