Doing more than surviving

I've been a little sad today.  Sad because someone I love very dearly is hurting, sad because I miss my Meme and so does all of my family and it is hard to watch people I love be sad and a little down because of the worries I have about my custody case that is coming up on its final hearing in a few weeks.  Over the past months, I have been able to maintain a positive attitude about most of these things, but right now I'm just having some down moments.

While I was moping around online tonight, I came across this little gem:

"Life is going to push you around, beat you up and it's going to scare you.  But, then one day, you realize you're not just a survivor, you're a warrior."

It helped to to take a step back, pause and realize this is true.  I am doing more than simply surviving and have been actually fighting back for myself, the person I want to be and know that I am and for my family.   And, I do think I am turning into a warrior of sorts.  I have learned how to keep fighting and keep moving forward even when I don't want to anymore.  I have learned to recognize and deal with my feelings instead of trying to drown them with alcohol.  I am sure that I am going to get through these times of sadness, but I also have learned that I am allowed to feel down sometimes.  Without the lows the highs aren't quite as sweet.

No Fear - Figuring it Out

I have thought about starting a blog over the past year probably thousands of times, but I haven't actually done anything about it until this past week.  Why is that?  Not only have I thought about starting a blog, but I have wondered why it has taken me so darn long to do it.  Bottom line......fear. 

I have been fearful to put my problems out there for, literally, everyone to see.  I have feared what people might think about me if they knew that I have had lots of problems in the past couple of years in my life and have had to seek lots of help to sort through them. 

Well Jenny, time to get over it.  Lots of people have problems and lots of people need help and inspiration while going through their own issues.  Maybe I have something to offer to help people or to shine a little light in there day if they need.  But, what if I don't?  Ah, there is that fear coming back into play a little bit.  Suck it, fear!

Over the past year I have gotten sober with the help of the wonderful people in the rooms of AA.  One of the things I have learned in those rooms is that it takes action in order to face fears and move forward.  I look at actually starting Happy Sober Mama as taking action in order to get on with things.  Conquering fear is an ongoing thing for me, but I feel like I am making my way into figuring out how to do it.